Ban the word “utilise”

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

I don’t tend to get exercised by the daily prompts that WordPress gifts. In this instance please permit a grumpy old sod to get up on his high horse over the rise and rise of one specific word that has no right to exist at all – utilise.

The mere sound of the word irks me like someone who has dragged their nails down a blackboard. The very notion of it makes me wince in linguistic pain. Hideous, isn’t it?

I know why it has lept into fashion as the latest à la mode word of the moment. To some, it sounds good; to someone, somewhere, it must have sounded better than the mere use of the word use.

If you wish to make use of some object, then you can use it in whatever way you so desire. You do not “utilise” it. Just… no – no, no, and thrice no. An item may have the quality of utility, usefulness, or usability, but it is not to be utilised. Not ever. It will instead be used.

I rest my case.

To me, it is a perfect example of how to forgo a perfect word for one that has a superfluous number of letters and syllables; it is an unnecessary baroque decoration. “Utilise” is a word full of sound and fury, yet it signifies absolutely nothing more than its shorter, sweeter forebear.

TL,DR: Hello, my name is David, I’m a writer, and I am prepared to die on this linguistic hill. Bite me.

Jesus who?

I once asked my partner this exact question:

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he’s got a Mexican name?

She hit me.[1]

1. As a linguist, I think she felt obliged to do so on general principals.[2]   ↩

2. On general principals, I shall gift you with my deepest heartfelt wishes of the season.   ♥   ↩